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October 10th, 2005

Moving into an apartment or dorm with your best friend has the potential to make or break that friendship. The possibility of losing that friendship is something you should be acutely aware of when you are making this decision. While not all best friends who decide to live together end up hating each other, here are a few things you should consider.

Your best friend’s flaws will never be more evident than when you are living with him or her. Those annoying little habits that you used to be able to tolerate in your friend will be your constant companion if you live together; you won’t easily be able to go somewhere else to be away from him or her for a day or two. Because you are always in such close proximity, what often happens is that you begin to grate on each others’ nerves. It may also take you longer as best friends to address petty annoyances because you are afraid of facing the repercussions of someone you care about getting angry with you. This can lead to bottled-up emotions and pent-up anger.

Something else that commonly happens when best friends live together is that one or both assume that because they live together, they don’t necessarily need to go out and have fun together like they used to before. This takes a toll on the friendship. Roommates often take their friendship for granted and don’t cultivate it in the same way that they used to. On the flip side, very close friends can spend too much time together and begin to neglect other friendships or not put as much effort into making new friendships in college.

Another potential problem with living with your best friend is broken boundaries. Your best friend may assume that they have a fundamental right to access all of your clothing, toiletries and food because they are your best friend. This is usually fine if you are not living with them and it happens on occasion. But living together, your stuff is in plain sight of your friend who may have a “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours” mentality that you do not particularly share.

While the scenarios I’ve outlined highlight the potential negatives of living with your best friend, it is definitely possible to successfully room with your best friend. It all comes down to maintaining communication with your friend, managing conflicts effectively, making time for other friends, establishing boundaries and continuing to cultivate the friendship you already have.

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